I can’t help it, it must be in my DNA
I’m so accustomed to spitting lines on the stage
And there’s no logic for the way I behave
It’s just the way thoughts attempt to escape my brain
And that’s the way I plan to enter the grave
When my body finally succumbs to the pain
No excuse, I am the result of decisions made
And my coming future is chained to the present day
And I am ingrained to the debts I am due to pay
Default position at the mercy of bankers play
But the money is an afterthought compared to fate
Afterall I still have my own mortal life to save
Afterall I still have to adjust my mind to obey
And my choice is to rise up and not fade away
When life flashes past I always check the replay
But when I do the ghosts come out from hiding and say
You messed up this time do you see a recurring pattern?
But I don’t and I reply its because my life is shattered
She left you again so what? Did she really matter?
The fact she ripped out my heart again, left it on a platter
And these thoughts do scatter, I can’t think straight
My mind is buzzing with thoughts that incriminate
That point the blame at myself until my pupils dilate
Til my mind numbs and the calm becomes my heart rate
And sometimes I refuse to relate, must be genetics
I’m shielding myself away, from brutal hysterics
Emanating from the heretics, I’m forever on trial
Look them all in the face, shoot them all a smile
And all the while I was programmed for human love
I thought it betrayed me but the connection is my drug
Sure knows how to hug, I can’t break its hold
My genes prevent me from escape cause my heart is sold
And my bones grow old with every deceptive second
Am I so far off the reservation I lost my place in heaven?
Or did I overheat my engine? Should I take some rest?
But I can’t when all these burdens won’t come off my chest
And all I want is for me to pass that one test
But I dream that I’m falling out of sky high jumbo jets
So my subconscious decides to express my stress
I’m waking in cold sweats, cardiac arrest
To what can I attest this struggle, I’m only human
My life feels like it’s a reality show, I am Truman
A picture of what it means to be real
A portrait of a man who begins to heal